PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
