I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
