I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize