I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
