They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize