My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
