She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
