I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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