google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
