the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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