WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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