Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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