you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
