I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
