Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
