wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
