So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
