I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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