Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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