So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
