So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
