I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
