I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
