im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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