worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
