At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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