i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
