My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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