Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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