pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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