Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
