We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
