Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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