Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
