what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
