Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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