We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
