did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
