Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
