Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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