dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Someone shattered a urinal.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
