Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
