vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
