whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
