Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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