She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
