I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
