What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
