just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize