If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
