yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
