I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
