I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
