I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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