I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
