Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
