so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
