I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
