We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
