okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
