One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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