listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
