I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
