kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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