take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
