All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
