I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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