Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
