you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
