we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
