Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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