yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
