Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
