She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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