I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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