Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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