you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
