I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
