she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
